My Cardinal Sins of Baseball

You know when your a professional baseball player you are expected to be able to do certain things. These things are the fundamentals, the things you learn in little league from the fathers who think that their kids are going to be the next major leaguers. Yet every time I watch a game, or see highlights on Sportscenter I see things that should not under an circumstances happen at the major league level.

This list will be revised and updated as I see fit, but for now here are the two cardinal sins of baseball:

1. Thou shall not walk in runs - A professional pitcher should under no circumstances walk in any run in any game in any situation. Ever. This one is seen all the time, some middle relief guy named Dipshit McDouche comes in walks two guys to load the bases and then a third to walk in a run. Just throw a strike man! Seriously lob one in, give the guy a meat ball if he hits it probability says it will most likely be an out.
   
   Those who violate this sin should immediately get shipped to the minors for a game. I don't care if your name is Johan Santana, you walk in a run...TO THE MINORS WITH YOU!!!
   
   
2. Thou shall be able to bunt - Infuriating to see a major league hitter not be able to lay down a bunt when needed. The worst is when your an NL pitcher and you need to sacrifice a guy to second or third and you can't get a bunt down. I think right before Pedro popped his hammy he had trouble laying down a bunt for a sacrifice. Well that hammy injury was the Force punishing him for the inability to bunt. Baseball and the Force are powerful allies.
   
   Or when your Jason Giambi and the whole defense plays you to pull the ball, how about you try and lay one down the third baseline? I mean give it a shot man, then if it works then the stop playing the shift on you and you get more hits through the holes. Hit to the holes the defense gives you.
   
   And when your team is trying to pull off a suicide squeeze, you better get the bat on the ball some how. I don't care if you have to dive, jump, duck, or cartwheel to get wood on the ball, just do it. The Devil Rays, I mean Rays, screwed that up against the Yankees the other day. With Aybar on third, Jason Bartlett missed the bunt completely, and Aybar was caught in no mans land. Cost them a run and maybe a rally that could have won them the game.
   
   Those who violate this sin should be benched immediately, for that game and maybe the next. As for Jason Bartlett who missed the squeeze bunt, TO THE MINORS!!!! There is no excuse for this, you people are professional baseball players.

Finally I said I would give my seasons end standings for the league, so here we go:

NL West

1. Arizona Diamondbacks
2. LA Dodgers
3. Colorado Rockies
4. San Diego Padres
   
5. San Francisco Giants
   

NL Central

1. Cincinnati Reds
2. Chicago Cubs
3. Milwaukee Brewers
4. St. Louis Cardinals
5. Huston Astros
6. Pittsburgh Pirates
   

NL East

1. Philadelphia Phillies
2. New York Mets
   
3. Atlanta Braves
4. Washington Nationals
5. Florida Marlins

AL West

1. Anaheim Angels (to hell with Los Angeles)
2. Seattle Mariners
   
3. Texas Rangers
4. Oakland Athletics

AL Central

1. Cleveland Indians
   
2. Kansas City Royals
3. Detroit Tigers
   
4. Chicago White Sox
5. Minnesota Twins

AL East

1. New York Yankees
2. Boston Red Sox
3. Tampa Bay Rays
4. Toronto Blue Jays
5. Baltimore Orioles
   

The wild cards will be the Red Sox and the Mets.

So there you have it, those WILL BE the season standings at the end of the year, end of story.

Until next time, keep your pimp hand strong!!